I feel disgusting. We splurged for a $50 dealsaver coupon for a maid service, and like some kind of nightmare, the maids called me and told me they wouldn’t clean our apartment. It’s too small and cluttered, they said. It needs a deep cleaning, which would be an extra $170, they said. 

And I feel gross and humiliated. 

I’m not a hoarder, but I don’t dust or sweep on a…any kind of basis either. It’s not a habit I’ve ever had. At the same time, I don’t have trash piled up and rats and bugs, either. But when these paid professionals won’t clean my house, what am I supposed to think?

Well, first of all, I think they’re pansies. They’re why no one pays me to clean houses. As someone who’s never really had to clean anything in her life, I simply don’t have the stomach for it, and apparently neither do they. I suppose that’s their prerogative with these coupons, though. It doesn’t state anywhere on the coupon what a basic cleaning is or what they’re limited to; only that it’s up to 3500 sq. ft and they don’t do holiday cleaning. As I do not come from a family that regularly hires maids (although my mom said she did have a cleaning lady when she and dad first got married), I don’t really know what they do.
I guess I do now, though.

They don’t clean houses like mine. At least, not without $170 extra dollars. 

So go back to your beige, perfect suburbs, skinny white girls with your all natural cleaning products. Feed on the light dust and unnoticeable smudges of the upper middle class who need a break from the maid they pay $200 a day to do your job. I’ll clean my house with or without $50. 

Moral: Don’t be a lazy-arse and don’t buy maid coupons aimed at people whose houses aren’t actually dirty.

The end.